Friday, October 10, 2008
I Love You... But...
Well two posts in one day.. that is a miracle in it's self, but growth requires movement and when movement happens the more posts would probably happen right??? Well today is a day of change and growth for me... and it's reminded me of things long forgotten... so whether it is painful or not the tools of the trade will surface. The things I have learned are important to me, and I like sharing them with all that choose to read them.
One of the things that just came to mind, just a few moments ago, was something I figured out a very long time ago. I am sure that some will disagree with me, but that's ok, cause I only have to live my life, not theirs. It was the 'I love you.. but..' game. I shall explain how that works, it really is quite simple. It wraps around the unconditional love syndrome.
To me there is no such thing as unconditional love, because simply love is unconditional. You either love someone or you don't. It's that simple. Once you say 'but...' it erases the I love you. It set conditions upon what are saying. You cannot love, but.... it doesn't work. If you have a child, and you say, 'I love you but you need to blah blah blah..' you have just told your child that you will love them if they only do or be whatever it is.
Love is equal to everyone. It's all the same, the only difference is how involved, and in what way you are involved with the person you are talking to. Once you say 'I love you but..' it becomes a conditional game. Oh just because you choose to have limits in your life doesn't make it wrong, or doesn't change the fact that you love a person or not. It does however make the situation different than just loving a person.
'I love you... but you need to lose weight', 'I love you but... you should wear dresses', 'I love you.. but...', well either you love someone or not. The other stuff is just that stuff. I am not going to my death bed thinking I could have loved you, or loved you better, had you cleaned your room or whatever. I will just love you, period. My love for my sons will never change no matter what they do. I may not like that they don't clean their apartment the way I would like, but I love them none the less.
So in thinking this, and why it came about, I had forgotten that No Matter What, means exactly that. It still amazes me to this day that when my husband was dying of cancer, how many women said they would have left their husbands had they been in the same situation. That profoundly amazed me. How many people would leave their mates had something happened to them, such as a car wreck, a disfigurement, an illness or whatever.
What happens when someone that is rich due to the stock market loses their money?? Does that person suddenly become worth less as a human being? A lot of women use men for their money... so who is really worth the lessor in the two?? Is it the husband who gave his all, or the woman who believes she is worth more than a poor man, but only if she has a 10 carat diamond.. which leads me to a whole other topic...